


Sex Ed -Hogwarts Edition

by MyPersonalKilljoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humour, I was drunk it was comic con, Jokes i was like twelve, M/M, do not read, its so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:46:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7017409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyPersonalKilljoy/pseuds/MyPersonalKilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone needs to learn about sex right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Ed -Hogwarts Edition

Pansylious (pansy): Hi everyone!!!

OhOrangeOne (ron): Sup Parkinson

Chxsenxne (harry): Yo

Queenoffuckingeverything (draco): Hai Pans

Zabiniinabikini (Blaise): hey Pansy

OhOrangeOne: SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO AND YOUR USERNAMES!!!

Queenoffuckingeverything: SAYS YOU!!! OH ORANGE ONE??? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT???

Ishipsnily (snape): I did Draco, now could we please get to what we should be doing?

Zabiniinabikini: what's Snily?

Ishipsnily: THE BEST THING EVER!!!!

Ishipsnily: Now, the dark Lord is busy, stealing candy from children or something. And Dumbledore wanted someone to teach you young, vulnerable children about... relationships. So i will be filling in for the lesson, now...who can tell me about...sex?

Pansylious: Hold up, are you a virgin sir?

Nevillution (Neville): yeah, I mean come on...who would really want to have sex with a guy who looks like a chicken ass?

Queenoffuckingeverything: Stop quoting movies Longbottom

Zabiniinabikini: Well...sir...sex is...i know this will be hard for you to understand but sex= happiness...So I guess you kinda missed out on that

Nevillution: Have you ever had sex with one of our mums...or maybe the mother of a certain black haired, green eyed wonder

Chxsenxne: NEVILLE I AM NEVER TELLING YOU ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!

Ishipsnily: Well ....myself and Narcissa had a pretty fun time in our youth.

Queenoffuckingeverything:  
NOPE!

Queenoffuckingeverything signed off

Ishipsnily: But some would say i really do...Snily...

Zabiniinabikini: Ummm...what?

Chxsenxne: WHY MOM, YOU COULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH BETTER....ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS!!!

Somesayimananimalinbed (sirius) : you called?

Chxsenxne signed off

Somesayimananimalinbed: Go back to your chemistry set Snapey

Ishipsnily: I DO HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW!!!!

Ishipsnily had signed off

Somesayimananimalinbed: So, what do you kids want to know about sex? I'm an expert myself, but my expertise lays in the more practical side than theoretical

OhOrangeOne: Really? I didn't even know you had a girlfriend

Somesayimananimalinbed: Weasley, I'm offended! Both by your complete lack of brains and by his you failed to notice I am literally the gayest man to ever grace this earth

Zabiniinabikini: You want to talk about the gayest man alive? Look no further than Draco Malfoy

Pansylious: Yeah Draco paints his nails like everyday and has a pocket full of glitter he throws at people whenever he says something sassy. He calls himself the 'Fairy Gaymother'

Nevillution: Oh so that's why I got a face full of glitter last week

Pansylious: I was looking through his wardrobe the other day and found a neon pink dress...i just blamed it on REALLY kinky sex.

Zabiniinabikini: oh yeah that's mine, I was wondering where it went

Pansylious: Well then. Oh you never told me, what did he say when you told him you were gay? 

Zabiniinabikini: Come to the gay side, we have rainbows

OhOrangeOne: SERIOUSLY IS EVERYONE ON THIS GAY!!!

Chxsenxne signed in

Chxsenxne: ...Ummm....Ron, i have a confession to make...

OhOrangeOne: no...nope nope nopety nope, you are going to marry my sister and we are going to be brothers, that's the plan, it always has been, ever since you told me Ginny has nice skin.

Chxsenxne: ...Malfoy has nice skin  
OhOrangeOne: NOPE, NOT THE FERRET, ANYONE BUT THE FERRET!!!

Queenoffuckingeverything signed in

Queenoffuckingeverything: I came here to have a good time and i am honestly feeling attacked right now.

Queenoffuckingeverything signed out

Zabiniinabikini: wait so Snape shagged Potter's mum?

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry


End file.
